I have just about got my house in order. It has been cleaned, painted, updated, decluttered and now "depersonalized". We are getting ready to make the big move to Columbia County, selling our home in North Augusta and moving to Evans.
One of the things that people who stage homes will tell you to do is "depersonalize" your home. So we have taken on this huge task and repainted everything to more neutral colors, put new carpet in, taken down all the family pictures, and removed all the cutsie things and in its place added items that are more appealing to people looking at new homes. For instance, all my cute Moose teddy bears I collect are now packed away and the family pictures are now just a memory in my mind. I have gone through every closet and hauled off stuff I never knew I had; clothes that didn't fit that I thought "one day" I will where that again. Deep in the dark places of some of my closets cobwebs and dust were removed. I think I keep a clean home, but I was amazed to find dirt in places that I hadn't looked in a while.
The whole idea behind depersonalizing your home involves removing items that would distract a buyer from seeing their stuff in my home. Making it theirs even before they sign a contract. The process is difficult and at times sad. Putting away all the pictures that make a house a home, packing the items away that bring personality to a room, especially a my two teenage boys.
As I was painting my living room last night and thinking about this whole idea of depersonalizing I thought about how that relates to my own life. Isn't it funny how sometimes God comes in and He takes on the task of depersonalizing our lives. Removing the the clutter, cleaning, and getting into the places of our heart that nobody has ever been much less seen. Places I have hidden away because the pain of dealing with it seems too overwhelming, but in order to move forward to something new it has to be done.
It's hard to admit but there are places in my heart that I have hidden away from everyone. I won't let anyone come near for fear they will see the dust and dirt that has gathered in the dark corners of my life. Still even harder to admit, sometimes I don't even want God coming near it. It's just too painful! It hurts and over the last couple of years I have an incredible inability to trust. I have put my walls up and decided to protect myself from even more hurt, but then I get frustrated because I want to move forward, have relationships and be all that God wants me to be and God say's okay but we have to "depersonalize".
Seems I have associated depersonalization with loss. I guess because over the past few years I have experienced a great deal of it. Loss of ministry, loss of a church family, loss of friends, loss of my brother, loss of things I enjoy and loss of the feeling of belonging; not fitting. Sometimes I can't help but feeling like the Titanic - this great "unsinkable" ship in all its beauty with its treasures sitting at the bottom of the dark ocean floor waiting to be discovered; to be unearthed and brought up from deep, cleaned off, so that others may see the beauty that tragedy had hidden in its depths.
On Friday my house will have a for sale sign in the front yard and people will begin to pour through and soon we will be sitting around a table signing papers on our new home; a new beginning. The moving truck will back up to the door and I will begin unpacking all the pictures and items that made my house a home; things that brought joy to myself and my family. All of the dust and dirt will be gone and once again I will be able to enjoy the good things.
Hopefully soon I will be able to unpack the good things in my life, the things that once brought joy to my life and thouse around me. Those hidden treasures that have been sitting on the bottom of the ocean floor, no longer hidden, but displayed and used for the purpose they were fashioned for.
