Searching for the light at the end of the tunnel
But for this moment the sun has refused to shine
Trying to climb out of the pit that has held me captive
But with every step upward, I get weaker until I fall deeper back
I can no longer feel the beams of the sun as their arms stretch from the sky
I see the trees swaying, but I no longer feel the coolness of the breeze
The birds fly, but their songs I do not hear
The flowers bloom, but their colors I cannot see
My voice has been silenced
I cry out, but no one hears
I have lost my way, and my destination is uncertain
My heart broken and my hope lost
I long for the rains to come
Rain to beat down from above and upon my soul
To fill, renew and restore
I am dry and thirsty
I long to hear the voice of the One who knows all
To feel His touch and His embrace
To see his power and experience His healing
A Heart Healed and Hope restored
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
Finding Strength
There are days I have said, "I can't do it anymore, I don't have the strength to go one step further". I have had to chain my feet to the ground in order to stay put and not run. Somehow I have managed to make it through the last 3 years and find strength I never knew I had. Sometimes it's been like reaching down into a barrell in which I thought was completly empty and finding there was just enough to sustain me a little while longer. And each time when I think I have nothing left, I reach down a little deeper than the last time and there I find the strength to keep on, once again.
Tumultuous is the only way I can describe the last three years.
Tumultuous: 1. full of tumult or riotousness; marked by disturbance and uproar.
2. raising a great clatter and commotion; disorderly or noisy:
3. highly agitated, as the mind or emotions; distraught; turbulent.
Websters says, "marked by violent or overwhelming turbulence or upheaval. Yea, you could say that. It was as if a tornado came through and ripped through my life uprooting, destroying, and removing most everything in its path. Though difficult to grasp, looking back, I can see much of what was destroyed wasn't needed or wasn't good for me anyway.
I have always prided myself on being a strong, self-reliant, independant person, if something needs to get done I can do it, I can make it happen. The storm has zapped me of my strength and no matter what I have done to "fix" all this it hasn't worked. Which makes a person who is always in control completely spin out of control - not a great feeling. I have tried to fix and change it, but nothing has worked, in fact, I may have made more of a mess.
In my endeavor to loose 60 unwanted pounds I started on a weight loss adventure in January. Everything was going great until May when I hit the weight loss wall. I have been stuck at the same weight for the past 5 weeks, so listening to some advice I changed up my routine and took up mountain biking. I still havn't lost, but I am totally enjoying it. I have managed over the last month to build up to riding 10 miles 4-5 times a week. I have even done a 30 mile ride and there is a 60 mile benefit ride this summer that I am working towards doing. All I can say is ENDURANCE! It takes a while to build up your endurance, riding for long periods of time, and like riding the last 3 years has had at least one positive impact and that is endurance.
I have had to learn to depend on God for just about everything in my life, not an easy task for me. I am still learning to sit still, which is not easy and at times seems I will never pass this one. It has been a completely lonely time, and I am having to learn how to be content with that. I am so used to being around people - seems no matter where I go these days I go it alone. EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING for an extrovert.
God must have a big plan if He equipping me for the long haul. As I sit here today and reflect over the past few years I realize I have come too far to turn back. Maybe, just maybe, God wanted to empty me out and make me realize that it's not about me and my strengths, my talents, my gifts, or my ability to make it happen, but instead it's about trusting Him, leaning on Him, relying on Him, being dependant on Him and having faith in Him. That it's not about my dreams, but His plan for my life!
So maybe you are are where I am, looking at storm damage wondering how anything good could come of this and trying to find the strength to move forward. Reach a little deeper, it really is there.
Tumultuous is the only way I can describe the last three years.
Tumultuous: 1. full of tumult or riotousness; marked by disturbance and uproar.
2. raising a great clatter and commotion; disorderly or noisy:
3. highly agitated, as the mind or emotions; distraught; turbulent.
Websters says, "marked by violent or overwhelming turbulence or upheaval. Yea, you could say that. It was as if a tornado came through and ripped through my life uprooting, destroying, and removing most everything in its path. Though difficult to grasp, looking back, I can see much of what was destroyed wasn't needed or wasn't good for me anyway.
I have always prided myself on being a strong, self-reliant, independant person, if something needs to get done I can do it, I can make it happen. The storm has zapped me of my strength and no matter what I have done to "fix" all this it hasn't worked. Which makes a person who is always in control completely spin out of control - not a great feeling. I have tried to fix and change it, but nothing has worked, in fact, I may have made more of a mess.
In my endeavor to loose 60 unwanted pounds I started on a weight loss adventure in January. Everything was going great until May when I hit the weight loss wall. I have been stuck at the same weight for the past 5 weeks, so listening to some advice I changed up my routine and took up mountain biking. I still havn't lost, but I am totally enjoying it. I have managed over the last month to build up to riding 10 miles 4-5 times a week. I have even done a 30 mile ride and there is a 60 mile benefit ride this summer that I am working towards doing. All I can say is ENDURANCE! It takes a while to build up your endurance, riding for long periods of time, and like riding the last 3 years has had at least one positive impact and that is endurance.
I have had to learn to depend on God for just about everything in my life, not an easy task for me. I am still learning to sit still, which is not easy and at times seems I will never pass this one. It has been a completely lonely time, and I am having to learn how to be content with that. I am so used to being around people - seems no matter where I go these days I go it alone. EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING for an extrovert.
God must have a big plan if He equipping me for the long haul. As I sit here today and reflect over the past few years I realize I have come too far to turn back. Maybe, just maybe, God wanted to empty me out and make me realize that it's not about me and my strengths, my talents, my gifts, or my ability to make it happen, but instead it's about trusting Him, leaning on Him, relying on Him, being dependant on Him and having faith in Him. That it's not about my dreams, but His plan for my life!
So maybe you are are where I am, looking at storm damage wondering how anything good could come of this and trying to find the strength to move forward. Reach a little deeper, it really is there.
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