Happy Birthday Wade!

Today is your 37th birthday! I can only imagine, you will be celebrating in style today!


It is still very hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that you won't be here with us and even more difficult to hold back all the tears that still fill my heart. It has been almost 11 months since your life here on earth ended and your life in heaven began. You would think after all this time the pain would have dulled just a little, but I have to tell you, the pain is still just as great today as the day I answered the phone and Daddy told me the news. I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!


I can look over my life and pinpoint events and days that changed my life forever; like the day we moved away from family and friends to start a new life in Connecticut, or the day Mom and Dad dropped me off at Bible School, or the day I met Warren and especially the two days in my life when I gave birth to my babies and yes, you were there for every scream. August 24th is another one of those days that changed my life, and there are days when it feels like it wrecked my life, I don't know if I will ever be the same. My heart is still in a million pieces and every attempt I have made to pick it all up and try to put it back together again just overwhelms me. What I wouldn't do for one of your hugs right now, and hear your voice say, "It's gonna be okay".

I have always prided myself on being the "strong one", but I don't think I can where that label anymore. I use to think I could handle anything that life brought me, I use to think that I could fix anything, and if it needed to be done-well, you know, I could do it! Instead I have allowed myself to become angry, I have shut everyone out including God because I am ashamed of the condition of my heart. This just wasn't in the plan, this wasn't suppose to happen.


I have thought many times in the past few months how we, me especially, take people for granted. I live my life and forget that God never guarantees us a tomorrow. I have beaten myself black and blue for not saying all things that I should have said to you, I just thought you would always be here.


So here I am, wondering how should I "celebrate" your birthday. Balloons, presents, and momma's delicious cake just doesn't seem fitting. Maybe I'll go get that tattoo that I have been wanting to get, since you were 2 up on me! Somehow I will find my way through this day and the next and the next, but I want you to know how very much I love you and how very much I miss you! Life will never be the same!


You made a HUGE impact on everyone you met. I hope you know, you made a difference in so many lives; your children, your friends, Mom and Dad, and especially me! You ARE AND WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART!


So today, as we stumble through celebrating your 37th birthday on earth, I hope you celebrate your 1st Birthday in heaven with balloons, a big party and lots of gifts-I am saving yours until we meet again....


Happy Birthday Wade! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!