I Want to Hear His Heartbeat for Me!

A few years ago I began a journey into the desert. I don't think I recall waking up one morning and saying hmmm! I think I will take a trip to the desert, but none the less here I am.

At the start of this journey I had a lot of baggage - you know hurts, disappointments, desires, dreams, passions, sorrows, and griefs. I carried these with me until one by one I chose to lay them down in order to continue on with my journey. They were heavy, too heavey for me to carry.

Today, I find myself empty; it's just me, God and the desert. I have found myself just crying out for God to come and fill me; to quench this thirst that I have that I know only He can quench. I have come to the place where I have laid face first in the sand and praying NOT MINE, BUT YOUR WILL BE DONE! I dont want my plans, my dreams, my desires, my hurts, my pains, my sorrow - I want Him!

The road hasn't been easy, in fact it has been painful and for most of this experience I have hid myself behind walls that I have built because I didn't want anyone to see my pain. I have felt as if I was laying on an operating table, cut from one end to the other and my insides just exposed to everyone around.

Throughout the journey I have kick, screamed, complained, and I think I may let a few cuss words slip, I have had to ask God for forgiveness many times, but I have also learned a lot about my Father and about myself. I have come to a place of extreme thrist - all I want is more of God - more of who he is - I want him to fill me with more of him, more of his power - I can't seem to get enough these days.

He has brought me to a place of total surrender! A place where the scripture says, "It is not I that lives, but Christ in me" This is not a bad thing, it's a great thing.

In this place and as I surrendered each piece of baggage, he has brought healing to so many areas of my life. I found peace and contentment. I have learned that He has a plan; a plan to prosper me and NOT to harm me. He is good!!! I have learned that I can lay it all down and trust in Him! He truly carries me and he sustains me! My life has no meaning or purpose without him!!!

I think sometimes God allows us to go through the desert so that we will lay it down, surrender to him and come to a place of where we cry out, "less of me and more of you." A place where we long for him and only him. We seek his face and not his hand. A place where we lay our head on his chest and just listen to his heartbeat for us!!!

Today, I just want to hear HIS HEARTBEAT for me!